Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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