i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Randomize
