I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
