i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
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