i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Randomize
