girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
