I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
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