3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
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