so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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