Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize