how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
