i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
that may or may not have been my penis.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
