what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize
