I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
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