I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Randomize
