3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
