My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
