You don't have asthma, your pregnant
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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