Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Randomize