Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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