dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I want to have your abortion
I have demons in me.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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