She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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