Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
