I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
