worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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