He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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