I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Found your dick twin last night
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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