Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
