I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
