Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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