don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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