Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Randomize
