Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
