No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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