I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize