He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize