Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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