so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
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