Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
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