I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
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