look no pants
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
It's official drugs can't kill me
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
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