i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
