I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
