I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
