well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Randomize