Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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