Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize