Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Help. Why am I so naked?
The air taste purple.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
