insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
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