just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
He better not be in your backpack
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
