ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I forget how to act sober
Randomize