She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
