quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
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