i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Is her dick bigger than yours?
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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