I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
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