I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Randomize
