My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
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