I should be sponsored by Trojan
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
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