mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize