Duck Duck Cougar?
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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