We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
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